That morning, my reflection called me useless.
I laughed instead of sobbing.
I don't know if I'm alive or not.
That afternoon, I looked at the sky.
It was crying while looking at me,
and that made me chuckle.
I don't know if I'm alive or not.
That evening, orange clouds danced
with the crimson moon.
That made me smirk.
I don't know if I'm alive or not.
That night, in my dimly lit room,
I watched my wrist bleed,
and it made me smile.
I don't know if I'm alive or not.
Am I dead?
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142,249 Literary Works • 677,083 Reviews
Hi! I will be reviewing this for you today! I really enjoyed reading this thank you for the opportunity!
Lets start form the beginning...
I appreciate these two lines because I feel this and it shows that sometimes things feels so far off that its not even real. Like a dream almost.
I really like what you did here despite the lack of rhyme, the rhythm is still good and it gives the feeling of not really being there, like a bizarre movie. I feel like you did an exceptional job here!
This is honestly something that happens to people, depression can cause people to feel no longer a part of this world and when they cut themselves, they tend to not feel the pain as their own, and this shows what it feels like quite well. I applaud your use of imagery and representation of these feelings and the phrase so regularly repeated 'I don't know if I am alive or not'
your ending two lines are also extremely well written, beautiful job
-PikeFisher4Life
The first thing to read. . . besides the "Am I dead?"
But this quote was heartfelt. Because is the reflection calling you useless? Or is it you calling yourself useless?
Tragic yet powerful. Instead of sobbing, you laughed. Quite a strong thing to do when you feel useless.
Tis sad. The sky crying as it looks at you. The way you changed from the regular "rain" to "crying" is wonderful.
You're chuckling at the sky who's crying at you? Brave.
I love the description from this. I love how you made the evening beautiful.
I liked this, because why are you smirking at the sky?
My heart tightened while reading this. Because I can feel it.
This, my dear, pained me. Because I feel like I'd do the same when all you can think of is trying to bury that pain.
The way you kept repeating this is wonderful. Beautiful. And tragic.
Ending off with this is a masterpiece. Bravo.
By far, I am your biggest fan.
And moon dear, you are not dead. I promise you that.
~ Jaye.
🥹
I really, really like your work! The repetition of “I don’t know if I’m alive or not” makes the poem feel increasingly unsettling, and I love how the imagery changes throughout the day while the narrator’s uncertainty stays the same. The reflection, crying sky, and orange clouds with the crimson moon create such a surreal atmosphere, and the final question leaves a strong impression. Your writing has a way of making ordinary things feel strange and emotionally heavy, and I genuinely enjoy reading your work. I hope you’re doing okay, too, especially if any of this poem comes from personal experience. Please take care of yourself! <33
And last but not least, "Am i dead?"! I like the idea of going through the day. Each event making the narrator wonder.
I wonder if it's not literal death. If it's emotional death. Not being able to be hurt by people anymore. Being numb.
The narrator is laughing at all these typically sad events. So, yeah. I think it's about emotional death. I do think that the first two lines in this stanza are a little disjointed. I can't quite put my finger on where it's at though. I think it's using the word 'look' twice.
There's a line break here that's weird. Between danced and with. I'd remove it.
Self harm seems to be an overarching idea all throughout your poems and you're bringing it back here. Smiling at the pain and hurt. They're numb.
Overall, this is a really great poem about this idea of numbness. There's just a few small things to fix to help it flow better.
Keep on living and writing!
AJ