you were never mine,
but somehow,
my mind became an endless tide—
pulling through every shifting season,
every passing month,
and my heart became a ticking clock,
striking your name
every hour, every minute,
every second
of loving you,
missing you.
maybe you can never know
how much i loved you.
at the end,
while closing my eyes,
i would whisper your name—
wishing that when i opened them again,
i could see your dark eyes
that i saw in the beginning.
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142,324 Literary Works • 677,258 Reviews
Hello moon1! It's AJ again. This is a really nice poem about that hopeless love. The feeling of no matter how much the narrator loves this person and holds onto them, they still won't get them.
Into the review!
Our narrator knows they aren't theirs. Yet they have to have them. I'm wondering about the dash after tide. I don't think you need it here. I really like how the narrator hangs onto this person for so long. Through all the seasons and each month. I think you could flip the last two lines. Going from something so large and long, seasons, to months seems a little contradictory. I'd make it months, then seasons.
Okay, so here. Keep it hours, minutes, seconds. This shows the narrator's dedication to this person. I really like the metaphor of the clock at the beginning.
It's circular! We go back to the beginning. I'd add a line at the beginning about their eyes though. It would really help sell the idea of the dark eyes in the beginning.
Overall, I really like this. There's just a few things that could be changed.
Keep on living and writing!
AJ
Your poem, "Your eyes were everything," is so good! It’s seriously such a tender, vulnerable piece that really captures what it feels like to hold onto a quiet, unrequited crush 🔅
Opening with "you were never mine" right off the bat hits so hard ☁ It instantly gets across that bittersweet, distant feeling. I love how you play with time here—contrasting that endless tide in your head with your heart ticking away like a clock. It perfectly paints that feeling of constantly being flooded with memories while every single second drags on when you miss them.
The all-lowercase formatting gives the whole poem such a cozy, private vibe—like reading a late-night note or a page torn straight out of a journal 🐟
By the end, when you talk about closing your eyes and just wishing you could see those dark eyes from the very beginning, it honestly hits right in the chest ☀ We’ve all wanted to rewind back to that initial spark, even when we know things have changed.
When I reached "maybe you can never know," my gut just wanted the line to pause and linger a bit longer before moving on. But honestly, as it is, it's such a relatable, pretty piece. Definitely keep writing!
Thank you so much nisfish! Check my other peoms too if you like to i hope you gonna like them
Oh sure I'd love to : )
Thank you