>They called me selfish,
But they don't know what I keep inside.
They said I'm not kind,
But they don't know how many times I cried.
I said to myself,
"I'm okay, everything will be fine."
>I fell on my bed in the dark,
With so many thoughts inside my heart.
My pillow was there, but it felt like nothing,
I hugged it tight and started sobbing.
I whispered to myself,
"I'm okay, everything will be fine."
>I told my pillow, "I'm tired today.
I don't even know what to say."
I cried into it and held it near,
Wishing someone would say, "I'm here."
I murmured to myself,
"I'm okay, everything will be fine."
>My blanket covered me that night,
I held it close with no fight.
I didn't know how to make things right,
So I stayed there, hiding from the light.
I breathed to myself again,
"I'm okay, everything will be fine."
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142,301 Literary Works • 677,153 Reviews
This poem made me feel so seen! You have gorgeously captured the struggle that many people face. The numbness, and the pain all at once. The way you made it feel so guttural by repeating the title, it is so accurate. When a person tries to convince themselves that everything is fine, it turns into a mantra. The one thing I would critique, or suggest, is for you to not repeat said in the first paragraph. I know, from personal experience, that repeating said is a rabbit hole. But I would say that it makes poems stronger when the little words aren't repeated. This might be just me! Overall, AMAZING!!!!
Hey Moon!
I could relate to this poem a lot; it is an incredibly raw and emotional poem that you have written here.
These lines stuck with me the most:
Even though I try... my level best to be kind to everyone, I have people who hate me for no specific reason. Sometimes they accuse you without knowing what you truly did, relying mainly on other people's words.
I too, try and pretend sometimes that everything is okay when it isn't.... But trust me, it all will really be okay in the end
Critique:
The only thing that I want to say is that you could add a little more detail to what made you feel this way....
Overall great poem like all your others...
Love ,
Queenie
Tq
Hello there, I will be reviewing this wonderful poem.
"I told my pillow, "I'm tired today.
I don't even know what to say."
I cried into it and held it near,
Wishing someone would say, "I'm here."
I murmured to myself,"
This is my favorite line, the narrator is sad and all alone, and they just want someone to be there for them. I love that part.
This is such an amazing piece.
I love the repeating of
I also love every other line being a rhyme. I'm not sure if this was on purpose, but it flows very well.
"But they don't know what I keepinside.
They said I'm not kind,
But they don't know how many times I cried."
Overall, I loved this poem, keep up the great work!
Mwah Mwah! <3
-STARRYY
Aww tq 🤭
This was by far the realist line for me.
I loved this poem so much. It felt so real and true. And I begin to wonder if you hold any pain from the feelings of them. I feel like me and you are so much alike that it's crazy to just read this beautiful piece.
I love how you repeated this for each of the stanzas.
It's so emotionally real, (yes, I said it already but I'm saying it again.)
I didn't see anything that needed touch-ups, I didn't see any grammar that needed help. It flowed so well, that you could almost start to cry if it were written to you.
~ Jaye.
Jaye i was actually sobbing while writing this dear
Aww! I was bout to cry just reading this.
True
I never know how to start these reviews without saying, "Wow, this poem is so beautiful," but It's so true. ✌️😭 This piece is so incredibly raw and emotional, and it really illustrates the internal pain of being exhausted from carrying heavy things. I really love reading your poems, I feel like you do such a beautiful job of conveying emotion in each piece you write. Thank you for sharing!!!
Tqsm rae