That day,
Pain became Smile's best friend.
Smile hides the pain,
but can Pain hide the smile?
Everyone only saw the beautiful Smile,
but not the deep pain behind it.
Are their eyes so blind?
No one saw the Smile cry like its friend.
No one saw the Smile shout for freedom.
No one saw the Smile scream.
No one saw it hurting, bleeding upon the lips.
Everyone wants Smile to shine,
but not to cry.
Why?
Can't Smile have its own devastating feelings?
Can only the heart feel pain,
but not Smile?
Why?
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142,241 Literary Works • 677,072 Reviews
I like how Pain and Smile are both essentially friends in this. It makes them feel more relatable than just revealing them as emotions as a lot of people do. The way that Smile hides Pain and the question of it being possible to hide the smile with pain is a cool statement (?? Sorry, idk how to word that part) too. It shows how the Smile feels like it can't show how it feels when everything else can.
I really like this writing, I can relate a lot.
Keep up the good work!!
I really liked your poem and think it'd be interesting to give you some feedback!
I'll be using the YWS S'more Method to review your poem!
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
It's clear from your writing that you believe I smile often hides great pains—holding back emotions, much like a dam. You weaved such beliefs into your writing wonderfully, might I add.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
In your poem you present the Smile and Pain as characters (highly personified emotions, dare I say). Could you, in any way, develop their characters further? Perhaps put a meaning (why their feelings are the way they are) behind Smile's pain? Perhaps even further contrast Smile and Pain to show how similar they are, despite being seen so differently in the public's eye.
I also must ask, could you possibly build more tension? Developing separate stanzas might help in doing this.
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
Your repetition is executed beautifully, as is your use of questions. At the end of the story I felt as though I had a lot of unanswered questions and thoughts on your writing (which is exactly what made your poem so emotional).
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
You have a knack for writing, I can tell! As I read your poem, I could also feel the emotions you put into this work! You should be proud of how far you have come as a writer, but do not think that means your journey is over yet. I feel that you have a lot more to learn, and much more to write!